Adoption Search and Reunion

What to do with non-identifying information

Searching For A Name

Now you become a detective. Carefully read every word of your non-id information. The standard information that you get will include how old your birth parents were at the time of your birth. Sometimes the case worker got this information before your birth and your birth parent had a birthday in between that time and the time you were born, so you must consider that when figuring out what year they might have been born. You will therefore come up with two years that you will use in your search. Note these years of birth in your journal. Then figure out how old they are today and note that in your journal.

For those who have not gotten their non-id information or who have trouble finding the agency of adoption or other way within their state of search to get anything, some items you will want to try to send for are:

Adoption papers, including the placement of the adoptee in the adoptive home, the Final Adoption papers, records from the agency. Any birth records you can find and your amended birth certificate.

In writing to an agency be sure that you always send a waiver letter stating that they have your permission to give out your full name, address, phone and email to the other person. Ask them if there have been any updates to your file.

You should also get your birth parents general description which will include height, weight, eye and hair color, nationality and ages. There should be information concerning their education and possibly something on their occupation. Unusual occupations are wonderful pieces of information. If it is an occupation where someone would most likely belong to a union or have some other type of affiliation that is great. These are the kinds of tidbits that can lead to finding them.

In sending for non-id information you can ask for the city of birth of your birthmom and ask the name of the University she attended or the high school. It is doubtful they will give you all that but ask for more than what you think they will give. You will also want to ask if the records show whether or not your birthmom told others about her pregnancy. If you can find out who knew about you then it can help in approaching someone you may be able to locate. Since we strive to protect the birthmom's privacy and not give any secrets away, it can be very helpful to know who is already aware. When we don't know we then must assume that nobody knows.

I fear most agencies and other places that hold records are much more careful now than they were in the past about giving out too much. In the past there were not as many people searching and they did not get as many requests. Now they are better versed on what is considered identifying information and go to extremes not to give out anything that could really be helpful to you. People who are getting the information from a smaller town sometimes have better luck.

Look at the information about your birth grandparents. This can be extremely important especially after you get a last name to search for. Since there is very good chance that your birth mother's last name has changed you will find yourself looking for her parents and brothers. These are the relatives who still have the same last name that she had at the time of your birth. Make note of occupations anything that can lead to where they might live. Many birth mothers go to another city or even state to give birth. Some of this information can lead you back to the city she lived in when she got pregnant.

Hobbies and talents may be listed. This can be good information for looking through high school and college yearbooks. They may have been members of a club at school that is related to their interests that are listed on your non-id information. Many an adoptee looking through a yearbook has found someone who looked so much like them that they knew she or he was their birth parent.

The hobbies and talents will sometimes be indicators of future aspirations of your birth parents. If you are able to ask questions of the agency or record holders ask if a hobby or talent was planned to be used in the future. If your parents were in college ask about their area of study.

As you enter items in your journal keep a separate page where you enter them in list form. This can be used to form the puzzle into one you can understand. Each item of information is a puzzle piece. You want to put them all together so that you can either see the picture itself or see where the pieces lead to get more information.

Because there is so little information to go on in an adoption search, much is done by the process of elimination. You will hit many "brick walls" as you go. You may be searching in the wrong state, or through the wrong schools. When these things happen you must be able to pick yourself up and keep going. If you find that you are really down after hitting too many brick walls, give yourself a break from searching. Take a week or two off to refresh your spirits, then get back to it.

Attorney’s Records

Attorney’s records are generally more accurate than adoption agency records and they are not sealed by law, however most attorneys will not disclose the information. Whenever possible, visit the attorney in person to show your concern and determination. If that is not possible call or write asking for information. Your adoptive parents can request copies of everything that they signed. You can ask to place a waiver letter in the attorney's files.

Some attorneys will be helpful but stop short of giving you the name you are looking for. If you find a nice one who has the identifying information but will not give it to you, you might consider asking this person to act as an intermediary. Be sure to check out what their fee may be. It may be less expensive to go another route.

Legal notices

Some states require that a legal notice of all adoptions be posted in a newspaper. This can be an obscure paper like a legal paper. In New Mexico they were often put in newspapers that are printed in Spanish.

The announcement is one of an event or legal action. Look for "Notice of Adoption", "Citation of Adoption", "Termination of Parental Rights", or "Abandonment Citation". A Law library is a good place to begin looking for this sort of notice. Search the time period from birth to relinquishment dates and from there to the date of the final adoption. The notice will normally include the full names of adoptive parents and full birth name of the child. If the birth took place in one county and adoption in another, check both counties. Legal librarians may be able to assist you.

Note that in many states no notice was ever published. If there was any question regarding the birth dad seeking custody then there will be something published. In recent years when father's rights became an issue, the notice is published.

Church Records

Catholic priests or archivists can be helpful for Catholic born adoptees. Up until about 1970, if there were at least a few months between the time of your birth and adoption you may have been baptized before the adoption. The baptismal record, which would not be sealed, may have your birth name on it. The church goes by the Cannon Law of the church and is not under obligation to state laws in this regard.

The Catholic church has changed it's position on baptizing all babies in it's care and no longer will perform a baptism without knowing for certain that the child will in fact be raised a Catholic. I am not sure when this change went into effect.

Whether or not to state that your search is adoption related I leave up to you. If you are a good judge of people and think that the person you are working with will be sympathetic then you may want to be open about it. Otherwise, it usually is best to say that the search is family genealogy related.

Most other religions do not baptize babies when they are so young. In the Jewish religion, you could check for circumcision records.









Visiting the Scene of the Crime :-)~[




Travel to the town of your birth or to where your birth mother is from

I suppose this could be used in a larger city but I don't think you would have much luck. Small towns on the other hand are true gossip mills and everyone knows everybody. If you were born in a small town or have reason to believe that your birth mother comes from a small town, you can try going there to interview people. When I say interview I mean it in the loosest sense. I am referring to striking up conversations with people in restaurants, churches, libraries, and yes, even bars.

To even begin this you need your non-id information. You will use the little that you do know for these conversations. Remember in talking to someone, do not mention that you are adopted and looking for your birth mother. You may be talking to the town gossip. Protect your birth mother's right to privacy. Don't let her secret out.

You have to be sorta good at white lies for this. You will want to say things like, "My mother knew someone from here when she was in college" (or in service, or some area of your birth mother's life when she would have been away from this town.) "I don't remember her name but.." Then you go on to describe this person, using the non-id information that you have on your birth mother. Hopefully you have gotten her eye and hair color, height and weight, age, and maybe know about some of her hobbies and talents.

Now about that town gossip, hope that you are talking to them. They tend to remember little things about people and easily give out names.

Prepare ahead of time for anything you can think of that might come up. If this person should suddenly look at you and say, "You look just like Mary", what are you going to do? A good answer would be, "yes my mother always told me that I remind her of this friend". You get the idea I'm sure. Think of all the possibilities so that you don't 'blow your cover'.









Hospital records




Adoptees will not be able to get these records until they have located their birth name. Birth mothers can get these records at any time. Don't mention that the child was adopted. You can avoid giving the exact DOB by requesting your records from your hospital stay and give the approximate dates you were in the hospital. By stating it that way, you give yourself room for error. I know a BirthMom who had gone into labor on the 19th of the month and had forgotten that the birth was after midnight. It is very easy to have the date wrong.

If you can't even come close to the date then you will have to admit that the child was adopted and hope that a kind soul will send you some information that you really want. You will have to give them a range for the date of birth so they can find your file and verify that it is yours.

You definitely have the right to your own records. You have the right to all records that could affect your health or the health of any of your children. That means they should give you information about the condition of the baby at birth. The information you receive will refresh your memory and give you better search information.

If your hospital stay was paid for by the adoptive parents you can hope that the record will include that information. Pray for the name to show up on your record.

If an adoptee has a picture that was given to the adoptive parents from before the time of adoption, be sure to turn it over and see if a name is on the back! Yes, I know an adoptee who found her name just that way. That picture had been in a baby book all these years and nobody had thought of looking at it.









Classified Ads in Newspapers




Some newspapers will not print a search ad but most will. Since it is placed in the general classifieds you will pay by the word or character count. The best time to place an ad would be near your birthday or for birth families the child's birthday. You would want the ad to say as much as possible in the fewest words possible. You want to put the ad in a newspaper in a city where you have reason to think that the person you are looking for will see it. You will have a choice of how long you want the ad to run. Check the papers rates and look for any specials.

I strongly urge that if you know your birth mom's name that you NOT put that in your ad. This is not the way for your birth mom's friends and family to learn of your existence.

If you are putting the ad in a paper that is not in your city you will want to ask them to send you a tear sheet showing your ad or have them send you the whole paper.

A word of caution is in order. You don't want odd balls who might answer your ad to know your address or phone number. Most people use a P. O. Box for a return address in newspaper ads these days. This is the safest way to go. It won't hurt to have a P. O. Box set up during your search. It can come in handy for other things as time goes by. The cost is generally around $35 to $45 a year.




Additional ideas can be found on my page Where to Find What

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Before emailing for help, please read my search tips and use the resources on my website. It took me over six months to write all this.
I can't answer questions and put all this into an email.. {:-)~[

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